Too busy for fancy

Two reasons to make this recipe:
1)Time
2)The name

Play rehearsals are heating up! A Midsummer Night’s Dream opens in two weeks and many of my nights are in el teatro.

I would love to get all fancy and make things requiring multiple bowls and saucepans.

Hell, I even would loved to get all pretty like Katie did and make a parfait with this cherry oatmeal recipe, which requires a rest in the fridge was waiting for me to complete it when I got home and I was not in the mood to layer. I was in the mood to gobble.

The name? Well I’m in a pretty rock n roll production of Midsummer so…
So if you have a busy night ahead, start this recipe for Cherry Bomb Oatmeal
ahead. Get home and finish then eat. Be. A. Rock. Star.

And come see Midsummer! For tickets:
https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/243225, or by calling the studio directly at 323-601-5310
And the Facebook page:
http://www.facebook.com/events/238549702925183/

Pancakes: the right recipe to launch FLAT

Before we dig into the gruel, I have an announcement: I started a new blog, y’all.
FLAT ACTRESS. Accessible hereThat’s right. I am flat and I think it’s super. I have a play called FLAT that I’ve performed a fair amount both here in LA and back in my hometown and I am currently writing an episodic spun-off from the play.
Not sure how often I’ll be posting on FLAT but if you are small and proud, a lover of small breasts, or just flat-supportive, please join me over at FLAT ACTRESS.
And now, appropos of my chest, I shall talk about pancakes, which is an acceptable term for small breasts because pancakes are delicious and my breasts are also good with maple syrup.

If you like the thick, fluffy pancakes, these are for you. I grew up with my dad’s denser, flatter(true story) pancakes, and I find I prefer those. But I enjoyed these.
Solid recipe. Mr. Bittman rarely disappoints.

Light and Fluffy Pancakes(reduced and just a tad altered from Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything Vegetarian)
1 egg
1/4 c. Almond milk
2 Tbsp. whole wheat flour
2 Tbsp. all-purpose flout
Dash salt
3/4 tsp. sweetener(I used Splenda)
1/2 tsp. baking powder
Separate egg. Beat eggs and milk. Mix flour, salt, sweetener and baking powder in another. In yet a third use clean beaters to beat that egg white until fairly stiff. Stir together yolk/milk mix with dry ingredients then fold in the whites. You’ll see some streaks if white in there, like they are not fully blended and that is ok. Heat a skillet to medium-low, spray with a nonstick spray which may or may not answer to a three-letter woman’s name, and cook yer cakes!

Chopsticks: just one perk of full brain function

One I did not manage to do with my left hand whilst healing my smashed up right arm was eating with chopsticks.

I like to gobble stuff with the sticks. Even things that you don’t need to. There is something elegant about a well-handled chopstick. Sexy, even.

However, whilst my right arm was healing and I had to be left-handed, I was busy sleeping most of my life away when whilst my brain tried repair a synapse or so so I didn’t really have too much time to miss chopsticks.

Now that I am all healed, physically, if not mentally(questionable whether that part I me was functioning pre-accident) I decided I should have more legit reasons to break out the sticks. And get choppy.

So I made this stir-fry.

Stir-fried Water Chestnuts(adapted from The Joy of Cooking,2006 version)
1 8 oz. can sliced water chestnuts, drained and rinsed
1 1/2 T. Soy sauce
1 Tsp. minced garlic
1 tsp. minced ginger
1/2 tsp. splenda
1/2 tsp. crushed red pepper flakes
1 jarred roasted red bell pepper, sliced
6 oz. trimmed snow peas
Combine soy sauce, garlic, ginger, Splenda and pepper flakes in a little bowl.
Spray a skillet and heat over medium-high. Add red bell peppers, stir and fry(stir-fry!) a minute, add snow peas and stir-fry a couple more minutes, til crisp but tender. Add chestnuts stir-fry another minute or so until they’re all tender, like my soul. Add soy sauce mixture and cook til veggies are coated and sauce is reduced a bit, a couple more minutes. Get yer chopsticks.

Keep the love

Got two recipes for y’all but you have to go over to the lovely Jessica’s site to see my guest post there. Click here: The Hostess Handbook
You get a recipe for a loving long-distance friendship, and the recipe for Campari Champagne Cocktails, i.e. the Woman’s Girly drink. Girly color, manly bitter taste. Good stuff!

And for your Madame?

Apparently women have eggs.
Yeah we do.
That’s what we are good for. That and housecleaning.

I don’t plan on using my womanly eggs, but I do like to have my way with those of the chicken variety(provided they are the cruelty-free type and yes I want picture-proof that those are happy chicks).

Madame Croque apparently felt similarly, for she took her hubby, Monsieur Croque’s favorite sandwich and doctored it up for herself with an egg.

Eggs make most things better, and the boring old’ Croque Monsieur was in desperate need of a tune-up.

Madame Croque knew what she was doing! Leave it to the woman to fix it.

Croque Madame(adapted ever so slightly from the Joy of Cooking)
2 pieces of whole wheat bread
Butter
Dijon mustard
Vegetarian “ham”
Swiss cheese
Egg
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
Preheat your broiler. Spread one slice of bread with butter and Dijon, add veg ham, then second slice of bread. Put in broiler just a little, it will starting to get toasty fast so watch it. Top with cheese and broil a bit more. And a bit I mean don’t walk away from that oven. This is not the time to tweet what you are making. Cut a hole in top slice of bread, crack an egg into it and broil a minute or so longer.
If, like me, you see your bread browning at an alarming rate and the egg is nowhere near done, remove from oven and microwave until done. Who were we before Dr. Percy Spencer? A bunch of bungling fools with burned bread, that’s who.
Grind on the salt and pepper.
Nifty.
Tweet this:

For one, fo’ realz

I have to use words like “realz” to counteract the amount of Shakespeare I’m spouting. That’s right. Shakespeare. I just started rehearsals for a play, y’all. More details in future posts. Moving on.

I love single person recipes. Which gives me a tinge of sadness that they are not “for two” recipes until I remember I am cooking for me and my small-eater love, my career.

Who doesn’t love a good quesadilla? I mean really. Certainly not my career. She ate it all and left me none. She does the same thing with my time and energy, selfish whore,

But she’s really sometimes delightful and fulfilling so I’ll keep feeding her.

Good thing these are easy:

Bean and Chili Quesadilla for Uno(from How to Cook to Everything Vegetarian by Mark Bittman)
olive oil spray
1 tsp. minced garlic
1/2 poblano chili, chopped
2 Tbsp. black beans
2 tortillas(wheat or corn, I used corn-multigrain-flax ones)
cilantro
1 oz. shredded cheese(I used Swiss)
Spray nonstick skillet with olive oil and heat over medium. Cook garlic and chili a couple of minutes then add beans. Transfer to a bowl and add cilantro.
Clean skillet then spray and heat again, over medium low. Put a tortilla in it and spread chili-bean mixture and cheese on it, then add another tortilla. Cook a couple minutes, til cheese starts to melt. Flip, cook a wee bit longer. Then mangia. Comate!

You get a B

I don’t get B’s. I’m anal, dammit.
That’s anal with an A.
I get A’s.

In high school, the teacher of my A-earning, type-A calculus class gave us all “mid-semester grades” supposedly to tell us how we were doing. I think it was B+’s he gave us.

We all flipped the fuck out for the next 24 hours. Next day in class he told us he did that because we were all so neurotic and stressed and he hoped we would realize there are more important things in life.

Weirdo.

It didn’t work. We just badgered him to assure us we were not in fact getting B+’s.

I will give you B’s you want. Four B’s in fact, because I am a generous soul.

I giving you Banana Bread and Beer Bread.

But this blog entry BETTER get an A.

I made the banana bread for a friend’s birthday. Lucky him.
Banana bread(slightly adapted from Cook’s Illustrated)
1 1/2 c. Flour
1/2 c. Wheat bran
10 Tbsp. Sugar
3/4 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
3 mashed bananas
1/4 c. Plain yogurt(I used Greek)
2 eggs beaten a little
3 Tbsp. melted butter, cooled
3 heaping Tbsp. applesauce
1 tsp. vanilla extract
2 1/2 oz. dark chocolate, grated(I used a Dove bar)
Put oven rack in lower-middle and preheat to 350. Line a 9×5 pan with nonstick foil and spray.
Mix flour, bran, baking soda and salt. Mix in chocolate.
In another bowl mix everything else. Fold mixtures together but don’t over-mix! Lest thy bread be squat and whatever the opposite of tender is. Blanking on the word I want.
Put it in yer pan and bake until the venerable kitchen toothpick comes out clean. Depending in your oven this may take more or less time.

Now loaf deux:

I made Beer Bread because my improv amigos left a ton of beer in my fridge. I hate beer. No one brought wine, alas. So bread seemed like a good way to get rid of at least one bottle…at least there were no PBR’s.

I didn’t love this, honestly because it was a bit too beer-y. I put butter on it and it grew on me. And if you do like beer, you’ll like this…
Beer Bread(from 75th Anniversary edition of The Joy of Cooking by Irma S Rombauer, Marion Rombauer Becker, and Ethan Becker)
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup old-fashioned oats
2 Tbsp. baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups beer( I used Sam Adams Octoberfest-Joy specifies not using a stout), room temp(Joy says cold or room temp, just not flat)
Heat up yer oven. 400 degrees Fahrenheit.
Mix everything but the beer. If you like beer sneak a sip or two first. If you don’t, hold your nose and hope the nasty beery-ness cooks off. Sip wine instead.
Fold in beer until moistened but don’t overstir. Put in a greased 8×4 pan and bake until you can stick a toothpick in the center and it comes out clean, 30-ish minutes.

What’s your favorite quick bread?

Friends don’t let friends buy their own cake…or do they?!

Disclaimer: I started writing this post before Alice’s birthday. I promised her a birthday dessert then fell down on the task because I was shooting a short that weekend an couldn’t make it to the home party-I did make it to the dinner but that was at Cafe Gratitude and Alice was looking forward to the vegan desserts and told me not to worry about bringing a cake.
Alice has parties, because she is that awesome and requires more than one event to see all her friends. It’s true.
So I’m a jerk who fell down on the cake task for her.
But before that when I wasn’t working I held onto(and when time permits will continue to hold on to) the belief that no one should buy their own cake.
And now the post I wrote before I became a total hypocrite:

“omg! The restaurant closed. Stress! Gotta go buy a cake!”
Oh noooooo you didn’t! No one should buy their own cake. Really. I can maybe entertain the idea of making my own but…
When my darling Rebecca’s venue for her birthday fell through I had to stop her in her Gelson’s-bound trax.

Normally they’d be tracks, but Rebecca is a hottie so she makes trax.

Trax to Oldfield’s, a west side bar I think is just smashing.

A slightly less blown out shot(Oldfield’s was dark!):

True story about this cake. I was a bit surprised that Mz. Trax requested a vanilla cake with white frosting. So…vanilla.
But vanilla in all it’s simplicity can be perfection so I turned to the masters of perfection, Cook’s Illustrated for a recipe.
But I wanted to make it somewhat special and told Rebecca she was getting a pink cake,
So I buy my happy lil’ multipack of food coloring at the store.
At home I open it and someone had filched the container of red.
Of all the packages, of all the colors they took red out of the package I picked.

Somewhere in LA an ass was eating red velvet, I bet. Evil. Pure evil.

I decided yellow was probably Trax-y Lady’s next pick and made a yellow cake. Pink candles though. I do try.

White Cake with Butter Frosting from Baking Illustrated(halved recipe)
1 c. + 2 Tbsp. flour
1/2 c. Almond milk, room temp
3 egg whites, room temp
1 tsp. almond extract
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
14 Tbsp. sugar
2 tsp.baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
6 tbsp. butter(I used half-fat cause…that’s what I had), softened but cool

Frosting:
1/3 c. Butter, soft but cool
1 1/3 c. Powdered sugar
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla almond milk
For the cake:
Mix egg whites, almond milk and extracts in a 2-cup measuring cup(not necessary, but helpful for the part where you add it to other mixtures in increments). Beat butter into flour, sugar, salt and baking powder until it is crumbly, then beat in all but 1/4 cups of the milk mix. Then beat in the rest. Bake in a 9 inch tin at 350 for about 20-30 minutes-when a toothpick comes out clean it’s done.
For the frosting: Just beat it(beat it!) and spread it. Yah.

Artiste-ic

What is Napoli? From Naples? Did Fannie Farmer ever go to Naples? Or is this her 1896 vision of what she would consume there? Then again this edition of The Fannie Farmer Cookbook was published in the sixties so it may not have even been in the original.

That Frances Farmer, what an enigma.

The week in which I blithely posted pre-written waffle posts, and prepped to play an artiste, I also made this soufflee.

Firstly, you must know rarely is this blog written in real time. I backlog posts when I have more free time for busy times like these.

Second. You’ll must agree that artistes make soufflés. Because we have lofty ideals. Thus lofty foods. Yup. Our lives are one massive metaphor. This blog is a bit of my brain matter laid out for you to consume.

That metaphor sucked.

Artistes also make film. Artistes make pie. Artistes make love.
Often to their reflection in the mirror.
With pie.
I guess I’m an artist of sorts, and I decided to make Napoli.

Random note of interest: My reviewing job’s latest here. Another here.

First, the soufflee cross-section:

Now the recipe.
Tomato Soufflee Napoli adapted from Fannie Farmer
3 Tbsp. butter
2 Tbsp. whole wheat flour
5 T. Tomato paste
1/3 c. Marinara of choice
1/2 c. Plain almond milk
3 slices cheddar, chopped
1/2 c. Pasta
3 eggs
Salt
Freshly ground black pepper
Melt two tablespoons of the butter. Stir in the flour(it’ll be like a paste), then the milk, tomato paste, and marinara. Bring to a boil then simmer a couple of minutes. Stir in cheese, salt and pepper.
Meanwhile, cook the pasta. When that is done add 1 tablespoon of butter. Resist urge to eat more than a couple of buttery pasta pieces. Contemplate eating buttery pasta with the tomato mixture as sauce. Decide that the beauty of a soufflee and ability to say, “well, last night I whipped up a soufflee,” make doing this not quite worth it. Realize you write really bad run-on sentences sometimes, seriously, Cliffy.
Stir the pasta into the tomato mix.
Beat egg whites until stiff, then beat yolks in a different bowl. It must happen in this order because the whites must have zero contact with the yolks, but a bit of white getting into the yolk will not affect them. Stir the yolks into the tomato mix, then fold into the whites. Turn into a baking dish sprayed with olive oil if you are me. Because I don’t have a soufflee dish and I don’t trust the mixture not to stick. If you are awesome-er than I, bake this in an ungreases soufflee dish. At 300. Forty-five-ish minutes.