Ritzy not for crackers

I have a Cheesecake Factory ritual. Oh I do. It involves the Ritz martini, loads of bread and butter, a big ol’ salad, more bread and butter, and being too full to eat dessert right then. So I take home a piece of the six-layer chocolate cake(I actually am not the hugest cheesecake fan unless it is chocolate or peanut butter) or sometimes carrot cake. I crawl into bed with that cake, eat it, and pass out. And I wake up feeling fantastic. That is not sarcasm. Sometimes my body NEEDS that much chocolate.
Back to the Ritz drink. I saw this recipe and was hoping to create the thing I get at the Factory but alas, this seems to be something different. For starters, it is blue. But it is freakin’ delicious.
With its bright blue color it looks more fit for the tiki bar than the Ritz lobby, but it’s balanced taste reeks of sophistication. It has the dry backdrop of Champagne against which the gawdy sweetness of blue curaçao is reduced and the essence of almond from the amaretto whispers “you are not at the beach, this is a classy hotel lounge in manhattan”. The freshness of the lemon juice makes it feel suited to a lady’s luncheon. In short, nay, it has been long…just make this.

Ritz Fizz(from the Drinks Free app)
Champagne
Dash of blue curaçao
Dash of amaretto
Dash of lemon juice
Lemon twist
Fill flute with champagne.
Add blue curaçao, amaretto and lemon juice. Stir, add lemon twist garnish.
Contemplate a large piece of cake.

Tomato toast

I cannot say much more than that this is not a recipe you should put off making. And don’t leave out any of the required elements. This toast is delicious in flavor but rises to new heights by the interplay of contrasting yet complementary textures.

My, that was a lot.

La di da.

I really am a snob. It’s true. I listen to Bach and act in Shakespeare plays and read big books n stuff.

But I was talking about texture. The crunch of the toasted crumbs, the crisp bread becoming tender (and if you are me PURPOSELY soggy) bread. Lilts of butter.
Optional: nutritional yeast
You can sprinkle it on, just for cheezy vegan kicks.

Although I doubt Marion Cunningham was big on the nooch.

But if you are vegan use vegan margerine for butter and if you are gluten intolerant use gluten-free bread.

Tomato Toast from The Breakfast Book by Marion Cunningham

1 c. Skinned chopped tomato
6 Tbsp. fresh bread crumbs
2-3 Tbsp. butter
1/8 tsp. dried sage
Freshly ground salt and pepper
2 pieces toast
Melt a bit of butter over medium heat, brown bread crumbs whilst stirring. Set aside and stir in sage.
Melt some more butter, stir in tomato. Add salt and pepper and cook, stirring til it is fairly dry and spreadable as a whore’s legs. Don’t spread those. Spread on buttered toast.

Fritoque

First, some acting stuff. I need to play Patti Smith when “Just Kids” becomes a movie. She said she was thinking of Kristen Stewart but wanted a lesser known person.
That is me.
Please, world, if anyone has access to her, her agent, anyone who has anything to do with the movie this is my personal plea to at least get an audition.

Thanks for bearing with me. Here be the food:

I made Fritoqe.
Because it is fun to say anything that sounds like Frito. It is also fun to eat Fritos. In fact, next time I make this that is what l’ll use.
Dagnabbit. It is 9:30, and I am too tired to go get Fritos.

In case anyone is surmising, the Frito-lay enterprise is not my sugar-daddy.

Although, come to think of it, it would not be a big surprise to find me in bed with Fritos.

Anyway, I liked both the title and simplicity of this recipe, so I gave it a go. Then I added some spices because it was a wee bit too simple the first time around. And as I said, next time it is Fritos instead of regular, workaday corn chips.

Yessiree bob.

Frito-lay, if you are out there and would like to be my sugar-daddy, I will seriously consider.

Fritoque barely changed and reduced from the Tex-Mex Cookbook by Robb Walsh
1/2 c. Black beans, some slightly mushed
5-ish corn chips, crumbled
One slice of reduced fat cheddar
Pickled jalapeño slices
2 Tbsp. salsa
Cumin to your liking
Salt n pepa
Mix the beans, chips, and jalapeños, salsa and cumin, and put in a small oven safe bowl. Put cheese on top. Put in a 350 degree oven until sufficiently melty.
Chow. Add salt and pepper. Freshly grind that shiz-nit please. It makes a difference.

Boyfriends and bran

Surely if I had one he’d desire his lady to have good digestion. Enough to make her bran muffins.

And he did. Well, my cookbook lovah Mark Bittman at least made a bran muffin recipe. When he was writing his cookbook. I need higher standards.

In the meantime I’m still seeing that classy lady, my career. Sexy wench just gave me the gift of turning a short I’m set to act in into a feature so I supposed I should reward her.

I made not one but two renditions of bran muffins. Because ladies are all about their muffins.

One version with the egg separated, for the fluffy factor, one with whole eggs. Generally girls like to keep their eggs intact but I preferred the muffin with the separated.

Then I went girly and consulted my new Joy the Baker Cookbook and made a pretty pb and j milkshake:

As you can see I tried to make it pretty by layering in a wine glass but there was a huge amount so in the end my hot career and I just cozied up and ate this super-thick shake out of a bowl:

These are the exciting things you can do in a long-term relationship, people. I love my career, I do I do. To us I say I do.

Make your own love muffins.
That’s all!

Bran Muffins(reduced and adapted from Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything Vegetarian)

2 Tbsp. applesauce
1/2 c. Flour
1/2 c. Wheat bran
1 Tbsp. honey or more maple syrup
1 Tbsp. maple syrup
1/4 tsp. salt
1 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 egg, separated or not
1/2 c. Almond milk
Heat ya’ oven up to 400. Hot! You and your oven. Spray 5 muffin cups with a lady-named nonstick spray or one of her cheaper knock-offs.
Mix dry stuff. Beat wet stuff. If you separated your eggs only add the yolk. Add wet to dry. Stir in until all is moistened. Don’t overdo this. Lumps are fine n dandy. If you separated your egg, you must now beat the white until stiff, but not dry peaks form. Fold in. Spoon into cups. If you have empty ones put some agua in them. Bake 20-ish minutes. Do the toothpick test.
Present them to yo lovah fo evah.

In memory

Chupa, meet your cocktail namesake:

Chupa was an excellent pet. Not my pet, but one I became close to over the last several years. There was nothing like being woken up by the Chup-ster. Someone in St. Louis put your hands over Java’s eyes lest he see that. I swear cats can read only the things you don’t want them to.
I came across a recipe for a drink called the chupa cabra and thusly made it in her honor. Then I googled it and found a lot of different chupacabra recipes, all wildly different, but they all had tequila. So even if you don’t make this, do a shot and send some cat love.

Here’s to you, Chupa!

Chupa Cabra(slightly adapted from the Mixology app)

2 oz. white tequila
1/2 oz. Campari
1/2 oz. lime juice
3/4 oz. ruby red grapefruit juice
1 tsp. sugar
Dash of angostura bitters
Slice of lime.
Shake everything but the lime slice with ice then strain.