A loaf! A seasonal drink! Being a guest post-er! And some striped tights in your face (see pic) just because

Popularity should not matter.
And yet.
I get hung up on how many people are clicking on my IMDB page. Shameless actress behavior.
I get hung up on how many readers my lil’ blog has. And how popular other bloggers are. Like my girl Kelly over at Foodie Fiasco.
Owing to the fact that she made use of the most fantastic mot “fiasco” I think the food-loving powers that be can get over her use of the word “foodie”.

Really, word snobs, get off yer high horse. It’s not like she used the word “moist”. Or like I used the word “cunt”.

Yeah I went there.

And it’s not actually a bad word. Read the book “Cunt” by Inga Muscio, author and feminist.

OMG the f-word! I’m on fire. Fuck.

Anyway read “Cunt”. You may learn something.

I’m gonna get back on track. We were talking about way-kool Kelly!

This popular gal let me write a guest post!

I made a bulgur loaf you can read about here.

And now because I love you even more, and because Kelly is only fifteen so she couldn’t take my cocktail recipe and put it on her blog, I give you some seasonal goodness in the form of a blood orange cocktail.

Blood oranges are all over the interwebs this week, but me posting this recipe has less to do with me being a joiner and more to do with the fact that blood orange season really is ridiculously brief and I want you to make this whilst you can.

No, you cannot substitute regular orange juice.

This is so easy and elegant. You can relish the fact that you have the prettiest drink. Oh yes you do. And yet it is also slightly manly in its deep red hue.

It’s a drink for all people. But not for all seasons. Boo-yah!

Blood Orange Champagne Cocktail from this recipe in Bon Appetit)
1 1/2 tsp. creme de cassis
3 Tbsp. freshly squeezed blood orange juice
Champagne
Slice of blood orange
Add creme de cassis and orange juice. Top with champagne. Garnish with slice.

American, Americano

It’s a two-fer! You get a drink, and a dish. An some random facts about me.
The “American” salad got me thinking about this here country, which got me thinking about race issues, which got me to pondering how I seem to have an affinity for being the minority, which is somewhat of a feat for a white girl from the Midwest.
I grew up in a school where being white put me in the minority. In college I played taiko drums, so I hung around a lot of Japanese folks. I acted with the St. Louis Black Rep (token white chick?). So when I moved to LA I moved to Koreatown because it felt good to be in the minority. Now I’m just East of K-town, almost downtown, in a pretty diverse neighborhood.
In general I think I am accustomed to not quite fitting in, to the point that I am actually more comfortable feeling like I am not blending in.
The exception being a trip to, say, Whole Foods, where white English speakers abound but no matter how nice I thought I looked before going I will never measure up to the super-hip clientele in all their lululemon glory. I may be in my demographic but I’m itchy as all get-out.

I get my chia seeds and run.

Safely at home I might just mix up some nibbles. And an almost-a-Negroni drink to make myself feel better. Which is inevitably dumped out before I’m done because I cannot drink too much alone. Nor should I drink whilst trying to chop potatoes for a nice potato salad and simultaneously working on scenes for an audition.

And so it goes.

Americano from The Ultimate Bar Book by Mittie Hellmich
1 1/2 oz. Campari
1 1/2 oz. sweet vermouth
3 oz. club soda
Twist of lemon peel
Twist of orange peel
Stir Campari and vermouth over ice, strain into glass of ice. Add club soda. Stir. Twist peels over and drop in. Salute. And salud.

American Potato Salad (adapted from The Joy of Cooking 75th Anniversary Edition)

1 pound potatoes (not the starchy type)
1 celery rib, dice dice baby
A couple Tbsp. diced bread and butter pickles
6 Tbsp. reduced fat mayo
1 Tbsp. red wine vinegar
1 tsp. brown mustard
Salt and pepper to taste
Sprinkle of dried parsley
Boil taters in salted water until cooked. Drain, chop into whatever bite-sized means to you. Toss with remaining ingredients. Put in fridge until cool.

A guest!

How fantastic are the photos when I’m not in charge of taking them?

The universe just knows, y’all. Right after I posted my last pizza week entry saying I needed to take off to go act and write, I got another one of those awesome auditions requiring that I go on the lot. An audition for something people actually would see.
With less than 24 hours to prep. That’s pretty typical. Whee!
Who needs roller coasters? I’ve got life.

I also received an email out of the blue from Kendra Thorton asking if I wanted a guest post. Perfect timing. Kendra’s had quite the life. She is a travel expert who has been to 28 countries and 6 continents. The former director of communications for Orbitz, she has been featured all over the place as a travel expert. Nice. The closest thing to travel expertise I have to offer is to try Fountain or Olympic in rush hour.
Kendra is now a wife the proud mama of three who likes to bring her experience in travel into the kitchen at home. If you want more Kendra in your life she can be found on your friendly internets:

Twitter: @KendraThornton – https://twitter.com/KendraThornton
Website: http://www.thorntonpr.com/

Thanks for writing, Kendra!

The Lanikai Juice Smoothie: A DIY Taste of Waikiki
“Exploring the Secrets of Different Foodie Cultures and Bringing the Taste Back to your Own Home”

After a wonderful stay at the Halekulani Hotel , ranked as one of the top hotels in Honolulu, it wasn’t easy to leave the beautiful islands of Hawaii behind. However, I managed to bring back a little piece of the islands for my friends and family to enjoy – my new signature smoothie!

I have always been one to worry about staying fit, especially after the birth of my three children and during my stay in Hawaii; I dropped in on the Lanikai Juice Company, just four miles from my hotel on Waikiki Beach.

There I learned the secrets of this refreshing concoction, and I’ve played around with the recipe just enough to make it my own. After a few weeks of alterations, I think I’ve come across the perfect method of making it.
To make it for yourself, you’ll need:

– One organic banana
– Half a small glass of orange juice
– Two handfuls of frozen mixed berries (sold in the freezer section of your local grocery store)

To start, combine the banana and orange juice in a blender until smooth. Next, add the berries and blend once more. Once the berries have been reduced to create a smooth liquid, your smoothie is finished!

My favorite part about this refreshing taste of the Hawaiian Islands is the frozen berries, which are not only used to establish an element of flavor, but to thicken the smoothie. If you don’t have any frozen berries on hand, you can always use three to four ice cubes in their stead. However, I highly recommend using frozen berries.

I’m not the only one who loves this healthy snack, either – my kids adore it. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to have them beg me for a healthy treat for once in their lives.

Whenever I want to relax and bring to mind the relaxation I felt in Hawaii, I whip up this easy, delicious smoothie. I love it so much that I’m never without the ingredients to make it! I hope you enjoy the flavor of Hawaii just as much as my family and I have!

Second Annual Un-Pizza Week Day Seven: Crunchy French-toasted Pizza Sam’mich

That’s the edited shot.

This is unedited:

Which do you prefer?
PRETTY PLEASE comment and tell me. I want to know. Because I couldn’t make up my mind.

This is my last post before taking a bloggity break for about the next week and a half. That’ll give you time to catch up on these last seven (count em’ seven!) posts I’ve rolled out in just one week.

I’ll have my hands full being an actress and writing which is as it should be. Amen.

This recipe was inspired by a recipe from Diethood which is the opposite of a diet blog. Case in point is her recipe for a deep-fried pizza sandwich.
Yah.

I can’t deep-fry.

I hate the smell of fried and didn’t want to stink up my abode. I’d probably start having flashbacks of working at the gastropub-ish restaurant I was a waiter at in St. Louis, where I’d come home reeking of the “crisps” and fish n’ chips every night.

All this being said I celebrated a pretty good improv show yesterday with a glass of house red and a deep-fried pickle at Bird’s, the UCB post-show hangout.

Then I decided that nothin’ makes a good dessert for laughter and pickles like a fried pizza sandwich.

As I stated, though, no deep-frying for moi. I made other arrangements. I took a note on the idea of coating the food with French toast batter. Then I crumbed it to get the crispy exterior a deep-fry would supply.

I may post in the next week of so if the guest post I’m writing for someone comes out, but if not I’ll be back in a couple weeks with some excellent edibles and crazy cocktails. And alliteration.

Peace, y’all. I’m maxed out. It’s Sunday. I’m resting.

French-Toast-Pizza-Sandwich

2 pieces of wheat bread (gluten-free peeps, feel free to use your gf goods)
2 Tbsp. good spaghetti sauce
1 oz. cheese, grated (I used Swiss)
1 egg
1/4 cup almond milk
Freshly ground pepper
1/2 cup panko (gluten-phobics, just toast up some crumbs from your gf bread)
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 tsp. dried basil
Sea salt
Olive oil
Spread bread with half the cheese, then with sauce, and then the rest of the cheese. The cheese is your sauce’s fortress to keep it from sopping into the bread, which is gonna get sopped soon enough. Top with another slice of bread. Mix egg and milk. In another bowl mix the panko, basil, oregano, and salt and pepper to taste. Dip sandwich in the milk mixture, then in panko mixture.
Heat skillet over medium and spray with some olive oil. Fry that sucker up.

Second Annual Un-Pizza Week Day Six: hey cupcake!

I may be onstage as you read this!
Why are you not at the theatre laughing at me?
If I am funny in a forest and you are not there to laugh at me, should I laugh at myself?
What qualifies a cupcake as a cupcake as opposed to a muffin?

I think deep thoughts during pilot season.

I think probably too much about cake.

I tend to think there are three pillars of cupcake-ry. Not counting shape.
Which a lot of folks do.
Saying that anything in a small, cylindrical shape qualifies as a cupcake explains things like “lasagna cupcakes” and the recipe I made for called Pizza Cupcakes.

If I ran things, these wouldn’t be a pizza cupcake because I have exacting cupcake requirements.
First off, there is flavor. A proper cupcake should be sweet.
But sweetness is not enough, or many muffins would be experiencing crises of identity.

Secondly, there must be proper texture. A cupcake must be a bit fluffier than the average muffin. I think I actually prefer muffin texture. Dense chewiness is my preference.

Thirdly, there must be a frosting. Hopefully more than there is cake, in my opinion unless it is that vapid whipped frosting that is oh so bland. Give me dense buttercream or ganache or give me a muffin.

I don’t really love cupcakes, even ones that meet my criteria. I would much, much rather have a big honkin’ slab of cake on a plate, with a fork that I can use to dissect it as I see fit. Much as I prefer ice cream in a dish to in a cone.
Plus, a slice of cake usually has a higher frosting to cake ratio.

So why on earth would I, cupcake adversary and defender of sliced cake, make these?

Because they meet none of MY cupcake criteria.

But they are delightful as their own thing. In this recipe a “pizza cupcake” is a small, textured, savory loaf topped with cheese and veggie pepperoni.

I found these so-called cupcakes here.

I reduced this recipe to make only a few and healthed it up a bit, baby…because if it is not dessert (for mental health) it may as well be healthy for…healthy health.

Un-pizza Un-Cupcake adapted from Kirbie’s Cravings

6 Tbsp. flour
2 Tbsp. wheat bran
2 tsp. sugar or stevia
1 tsp. baking powder
2 Tbsp. applesauce
4 tsp. beaten egg
2 Tbsp. almond milk
Pinch or two salt
2 oz. grated Swiss cheese, grated (yes, I know mozzarella would be more pizza-ish)
Soy pepperonis, chopped
Heat yer oven to 400 blistering degrees Fahrenheit and spray 4 muffin cups.
Whisk together flour, bran, baking powder, sugar or stevia, and salt. Whisk in applesauce, egg, and milk until very well blended. Blend in 1 oz. cheese. Bake about 10-12 minutes. Top with remaining cheese and pepperonis. Bake several more minutes. Until it seems done. Use your senses. Your accuracy is none of my business.
Have a slice of cake as dessert.

Second Annual Un-Pizza Week Day Five: Puff the magic pizza

ACTING PSA!
My improv 401 class at The Upright Citizens Brigade (UCB) is performing this Saturday at 5:30. Student show info is here. If you come and laugh, we will be even funnier than we already were. So do that if you like.
I’d like it. Smiley face.

Now for the gruel!
Totes adorbs pizza puffs! For realz!
Like, gag me with a spoon!
No please don’t, ignore that outburst it meant nothing.
There is quite a theme of cuteness going on this week.

Please do make these cute lil’ bundles of joy. I suggest that you make them like I did and call them pizza sliders. How 2008.
But I was rather pleased with my idea to not mix soy pepperoni in and instead cut a notch in the puff’s side and slide a piece in. Slide it in the slider.Too damned cute:

These “Pizza Puffs did indeed puff. I had my suspicions they would be tough because the recipe required mixing the batter until smooth. Normally when making quick breads you don’t do that in order to avoid gluten over-development. But no, these were light and delightful and…yes, cute.

I think they might not have been quite as delightful if it were not for the seasoning sprinkled atop them. They certainly would have been less pizza-y.

It is almost the weekend, y’all. So go ahead and make yourself these sliders, serve em’ with some marinara to dip, crack open an ice cold beverage and get yer weekend on now.

Pizza Sliders adapted from this recipe by Kirbie’s Cravings
For the puffs:
3/4 cups flour
3/4 tsp. baking powder
3/4 cup almond milk
1 egg
1 cup shredded cheese (I used Swiss)
Italian seasoning (I made my own blend of basil, oregano, freshly ground black pepper, and sea salt)
To Serve Them:
vegan pepperoni
marinara sauce
Preheat the heat monster (your oven!) to 400 degrees. Beat the flour, baking powder, almond milk, and egg until the batter is smooth as a playa’s moves. Playa as in player. Not the beach. Although sand can be pretty smooth too. Stir in the cheese. Grease miniature muffin cups or line them and grease the liners. Fill them about two-thirds full. Sprinkle with the Italian seasoning. Bake about 15 minutes and serve with the pepperoni and marinara. Adorbs. Just saccherine sweet adorbs.