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Gwyneth Paltrow’s Daughter

2 Mar

This week I wanted to make something that would pay homage to teachers. So I thought of apples. But WHO THE FUCK EVER LIKED and apple martini? Grody. But Apple Martin?

Why not?

I do love Coldplay.

So Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter it was. With APPLETON Estate Rum and Calvados (an APPLE brandy). Most people probably don’t have this sitting around home but who lives like Gwyneth? You gotta make the effort. Fast forward to about 5 minutes 20 seconds in for the drinks portion, should you not want to hear our musings on art and exes.

Gyneth Paltrow’s Daughter, an original by Ellen Clifford
1 oz. Appleton rum
1 oz. calvados
1 oz. Averna
1 tsp. cinnamon simple syrup (see recipe)
2 dashes Fee Bros. Aztec Chocolate bitters
1 orange twist
Shake with ice and strain then garnish with orange twist.
Cinnamon syrup: Bring equal parts sugar and water to a boil until sugar dissolves. Toss in a couple cinnamon sticks. Allow to sit overnight then strain. Keep refrigerated.

The Bridgid plus showbiz

23 Feb


You guys I promise in a month when GIRLS is over I will get back to posting non-drink recipes. In the meantime…Please make The Bridgid:
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Modeled after a cocktail Bridgid really liked at Basic, a bar in Brooklyn.
If you just want the recipe go about 6 minutes 45 seconds in.
Girl on GIRLS is hobbling along. We got to be special guests on a much larger after show last week which was wicked exciting! And this week comedian Rakefet Abergel is our special guest so that’s nifty.

In other acting news I had a part in a legit movie (starring Rosanna Arquette-the Oscar winner Patricia’s sis and most importantly, star of “Desperately Seeking Susan”)
That also was wicked exciting.

And I’m gonna do some sketch comedy I wrote in March. Woot! And wicked. Bridgid will be in that with me so get to the Nerdist theatre in March for some funny.

And then there is just the ample booze to cover my pain.

The Bridgid made up by me with assistance of THE Bridgid
Makes 2 cocktails
First, put just a tiny smidgen of absinthe in each coupe, swirl and dump (or if you are me, drink, the excess). Put in freezer until ready to strain.
Next, stir over ice and strain into a chilled coupes:
1 oz. citron vodka
3 oz. gin
1 1/2 oz. Campari
1 oz. dry vermouth (I use Martini and Rossi)
1 oz. Cointreau
6 dashes Peychaud’s bitters

The Pink-ies Up, or, When I Went to Teavana

30 Jan

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Well crap. I found another food rabbit hole I could see myself going down. Or maybe I should say another sensory rabbit hole–I did a perfume smelling recently that was so similar to wine tasting that I would have left intoxicated even if my friends had not poured a round of port to keep our mouths occupied whilst our noses did the heavy lifting.

But perfume is a rabbit hole for another blog. I wanted to learn of tea. Actually that’s not true. I hadn’t thought much about tea then Teavana was all “come play with teas with us” and I all like “totes!” Except you know that is sort of a lie because I would never say totes in a non-ironic sense of the word. I just said “yes”.

And then I said “extra yes please” (to myself anyway) as I contemplated the tea cocktail possibilities. Fast forward to about 6 minutes 45 seconds to see the cocktail. Or watch it all because we’re funny and stuff:

Let’s start with the Teavana wrongs: so corporate.

Okay I am done.

What Teavana gets right: The passion of the people making tea there. The pure rock sugar crystals they gave me to add to my ever-growing sugar collection (I’ve got nine types of sugar now). The really uber-cool tea brewer thingamajig where you load sweetener and tea in and let er’ rip then set the sucker down on top of your cup and like magic it drains out the bottom into the vessel you will bear to your thirsty lips.
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Oh and feast your eyeballs on these big ol’ containers of rock. Sugar:
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And then the tea blends. They are pure products. I was tempted to actually snack on some such as the citrus lavender sage blend. Hunks of dried fruit in an herbal and mildly herbal blend? Yes please. Another snack tea was the (unfortunately) excellent peppermint white chocolate blend. Unfortunate because I would sooooo turn up my nose at it if it didn’t smell like heaven and make as good an ice cream topping dry as it does steeped in to tea submission.

They have a good thing going there. A whole wall full of flavors that can be mixed and matched and sniffed and swirled. It was like wine tasting but I didn’t need a designated driver.

Enough of the praise. Let’s booze this shiz-nit up! Because I hate driving enough to create a situation requiring a driver. I made a cocktail with gin and the grapefruit strawberry green tea blend I brought home. I added homemade limoncello and fresh grapefruit juice. Lastly came a dose of bitters, and eventually (as you will see in the video) an extra garnish. So WATCH if you haven’t yet. Ooh, and making a pink cocktail gave reason to make a punny name for me tea-based drink: The Pink-ies Up

Funtimes! Happy! Come fetch my tipsy arse and take me home dear driver!

The Pink-ies Up an original Ellen Clifford tasty delight
For infused gin:
1/2 cup gin (I like Hendrick’s)
1 1/2 tsp. strawberry grapefruit green tea mix
Steep for about 45 minutes then strain. You’ll know the time is right when the gin is pink.

For the drink:
1 1/2 oz. infused gin
1/2 oz. freshly squeezed pink or red grapefruit juice
1 oz. limoncello
4 dashes Angostura bitters
extra dry tea mix to garnish
Shake all but the extra tea with ice. Strain into chilled glasses. Sprinkle on some dry tea.

Pink-ies Up!

The WOManhattan, a Classic Cocktail for Girls (and boys)

26 Jan

THE LATEST. Because I cannot help but be puny.

And some people have two cherries.

THE WOManhattan
2 oz. Maker’s Mark Bourbon
1 oz. sweet vermouth (I used Martini and Rossi)
Lots of angostura bitters
2 Luxardo cherries
Stir bourbon, vermouth and bitters over ice. Strain into chilled coupes and add cherries.

The Graduette

19 Jan


I am so stinking proud. I loved last week’s episode but I LURVE this week.
I know this drink sounds weird but it is in fact realllll good. And this episode is purty fun.
You learn what goths drink. And it is hard to beat that on a Monday night.

The Graduette an original by Ellen Clifford
2 oz. red wine (Ravenswood Zinfandel)
1 oz. gin (Beefeater)
1/2 oz. Cointreau
1/2 oz. Drambuie
Scant half oz. Purely Syrup Habanero flavor
Club soda
Shake all but the soda. Strain over a big ice cube and top with a dash of club soda.

Girls on GIRLS hath arrived

13 Jan


Behold. Enjoy. I hope. You’ll learn to make an adult beverage!

If you did enjoy, then make the drink I teach how to make. If you didn’t ditto.

The Little Iowa
adapted from a cocktail I was taught by a “a nice bar man” at Bar Ama aka home of the best queso outside Texas
2 1/2 oz. Templeton Rye
1/2 oz. sweet vermouth (I used Martini and Rossi)
3/4 oz. Cynar
frozen red grapes to finish
Stir over ice and strain into a chilled coupe. Garnish with frozen grapes.
Feel the Iowa.

YUVE Got Smoothie

21 Dec

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I confess I half live off smoothies. Therefore it is only fair I share what I’ve been drinking, because I am thoroughly addicted. I should also share that my smoothies are so thick and rich they require bowls and spoons and really it’s more like I made myself soft-serve. Except this soft serve has redeeming health factors. My most frequent concoction is a beet-cherry-chocolate protein extravaganza and it is tremendous.

I was inspired to get off my lazy bum and get around to writing this because I got to try some tasty new protein powder made by a very cool and possibly even tastier woman.

I have been using MRM Veggie Protein, to which I thought I’d never find an equal in terms off decent vegan protein powders. AKA ones that are not chalky. But I did! YUVE is danged tasty. I’m also pimping it here because it has a cool origin story.

And chia seeds.

But origin first:
Once upon a time a woman left Russia for New York City. Her name was Lola. She wasn’t a showgirl but she danced. Except ballet. This stunning makes-me-rethink-being-hetero woman, Lola Sherunkova, wanted a quick enjoyable way to get nutrients and such in the Big Apple.

Lola talked to a nutritionist who recommended a rather large list of nutrients. I do not blame her for not wanting to take a gajillion supplements a day. If I were as gorgeous and brilliant as she ALL my time would be spent lounging nonchalantly while lithe goth men held my parasol for me. Fortunately for you Lola was much more enterprising. And YUVE was born.

My only wish is that it came in more than just the one chocolate-raspberry flavor. Mainly because then I could have even more excuses to use it. Because when you can’t decide between two flavors of shake you are forced to just have both. I am surprised I didn’t overdose on chewable vitamins when I was a kid.

Anywho, I am a big proponent of female owned and created business, and Lola is truly one of those came-from-nothing success stories. It helps that her product is great too. Go Lola! Big hugs. And such. And…more?!

Ps I too am creating my own shiz-nit. It is a web show. It involves making drinks and talking about the show “Girls”. That premieres January 11th so “Girls on Girls” should be out on January 12th. We made the pilot episode in the meantime which you can see here:

I beg of you to subscribe to the channel. Or SHARE it on Facebook or Twitter or whatever social media you like. Youtube makes it super easy to do that. It won’t force you to watch or anything. You’ll just see it in your list of subscriptions.

Now more YUVE. I tasted YUVE unadulterated first. Just to see. It was great. Then I started plugging it into favorite smoothie recipes. Like the one that follows. Also delish. Addictively so.

Here be what I make:
Beety Choco-Cherry (plus occasional raspberry) Smoothie
1 few small cooked beets or one big one
1/2 cup dark sweet cherries (I get them in the freezer aisle)
1 serving chocolate protein powder or YUVE chocolate raspberry protein powder
1 Tbsp. Cocoa powder
Dash salt
A squirt or so of liquid stevia (NuNaturals is the one type I’ve found not to be bitter)
Heavy dash of almond extract
1/4 cup cottage cheese (omit if you are vegan)
7-ish crushed ice cubes
1 cup water or chocolate almond milk
Blend it good. If not thick enough either stick in the freezer a little while or blend in some anthem gum

Pssst! I got YUVE for free. But would not be telling you about if I didn’t think it was worth it. I’m ordering more for myself!

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