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Octopuses

2 Sep

  
Hanging out with girls who try to make out with me has been a recurring theme to my late night LA drinking habit of late. Because apparently something in my demeanor says pansexual. I dunno. I mean I’m flattered but I digress because that has nothing to do with the wine I am talking about.

Oh! No I know why I was thinking sex thoughts. It is because I am reviewing another octopus wine and a friend of mine recently told me some rather lurid news. Did you know there was such a thing as tentacle porn? Holy shit there is. I have not looked because that thought rather terrifies me.
Let us move on. To the wine!

I give you The Argonaut, a sauvignon blanc by the same person (it is indeed one dude or so he says, hence the need for 8 arms) as The Tentacle.

Like me this wine is slightly rich and salty. Not that I am wealthy-rich, just sometimes full of it maybe? As for salty, well, see the “full of it” bit. Silly. But the wine is indeed rather rich for a white wine, and maybe it is the nautical influence, but I imagine the seas as I sip. It is brackish.

Golden, medium-bodied like my friend Leandra’s Corgi named Shipley (SHIPley!), and a bit fruity.

Like honey, if honey were in a salt mine and octopuses were in that mine with that wine. I fucking dig it. Ps the plural of octopus is indeed octopuses. Because it has Greek origins. It would have to be Latin to be “octopi”.

I smell overreach peach. I feel honeysuckle. I sense peach that has been macerated with some honey and salt, and that is good.

Medium bodied. Pears. Do pears blossom? If they do then this wine tastes of pear blossoms. I could drink the whole bottle but won’t. Wine is for sharing.

Prim and Primal

26 Aug

  
looky here. she says without using caps like a proper woman who writes. 

Ok caps. Zinfandels have been a favorite of mine for a while. I like them. They have everything. Spice and fruit and leather and A Lot. They are the indecisive wine lover’s wine.

So naturally the fact that an ancestor of theirs is primitivo meant I needed primitivo.

This primitivo:

  
 The 2014 Tempo Vero Primitivo IGT

I got it on club w.

By the way if you want a free bottle of wine-any wine!-here’s my link. Clicky here:

http://www.clubw.com/eclifford

Very very smooth. Little tannins. Less spice. More berries. I picture strawberries and raspberries and a few blueberries and just maybe two blackberries.

The acidity is lilting and elegant, it’s the jaunty bridge to this wine’s ballad to berries.
I’d like to choreograph to this wine.

Lady MacDeath

30 Jul


Out, out damned wine spot!
This drink is blood orange and Campari and port and jealousy, ambition and hidden violence in the night. And psychotic breakdown

Lady MacDeath
1 1/2 oz ruby port
1 oz Campari
1/2 oz blood orange
Cava to taste
Stir the port, Campari and blood orange. Add the Cava. Plot domination.

My Bry Mai Tai

30 Jun


You’ll get the most convincing argument for tiki ever here. Go get it.
Then there is whacking so watch to the end. Whack with joy.

The My Bry
1 oz. white rum
1/2 oz. coffee maple rum
1 oz. rye
1 oz. Grand Marnier
1/2 oz. orgeat
1/4. lime juice
1/4 oz. pineapple juice
Shake with ice then strain over crushed ice.

Pairs Well With Queso

14 May


We took a hiatus. “Girls” may be over for the season, but we wanted to keep drinking. And so we did. And put it on digital for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy this beverage, please. I did.

Ps thank you Captain Morgan for the barrage of rum. It was delightful. 

Pps Everyone PLEASE get some friggin’ queso.

Pairs Well With Queso (makes 2)

  • 2 1/2 oz grapefruit rum 
  • 1 1/2 oz bourbon (used my favorite standby Maker’s Mark)
  • 1 1/2 oz dry vermouth 
  • 1 1/4 oz Purely Syrup Habanero simple syrup
  • Tonic water
  • Mixture of cane sugar and sweet Hungarian paprika
  • 1/2 a grapefruit

Press a glass into the grapefruit, then dip in the sugar/paprika mixture.

Shake everything else but the tonic. Strain and top with tonic.

food separation from a heart sick person

20 Apr

  
For years this recipe stared me in the face. I’d open the Bon Appetit issue to it and put it in my little cookbook holder stand thinking if I saw it, some day I’d get inspired early enough to get all components made and chilled in due time.

The picture you see above is just one reconfiguration of this Deconstructed Black Forest Cake. Much as I adore various pairings of sandwich material, I also love the idea that each bite of this cake can be a different combo of the cake, chocolate pudding, whipped cream, red wine cherries, and…all kept properly hydrated by the shot of kirsch:

  
Making this became a fantasy. One of those “some day” things I didn’t think I’d ever actually get around to.
Then I was dating someone and I knew I was into him because I started fantasizing about what I’d cook him. This was a likely suspect for pleasing what I knew of his tastebuds.
And then that prospect didn’t work out. As in, I never even got the chance to ply him with my womanly cake wiles. 
In a spate of “fuck that I don’t need ANYONE to cook FOR” the fantasy of making this became reality one Friday night when I got home earlier than expected.
I am all I need.
Except for sex. I could use a male for that but he isn’t here (as in doesn’t exist) at the moment.
But fuck it. I have cake and wine and a career (my true lover) not to mention my family and friends and stuff so I shall survive. And I have cake.

I cut my cake with a star cookie cutter because I am a superstar. Hehehe. As in “don’t you remember you told me you love me baby”. Except I was not that fond of the fellow. It never came even remotely close to the L word. Cause that is REAL scary. Hell, I have a hard time giving someone a second date.
Problem is, it is rare I start to think anyone is worth a romantic thought so when I do start to be even remotely interested in someone I take things too hard when they don’t turn out as I’d wish.

UGH.
And UGH.
And UGH FUCK!
And someday my cake and wine loving prince will come.

I’m gonna get a cat.

Fuck this cake is worth it. 

Also no more writing recipes when high on no sleep/sugar/wine.

Enjoy.

Deconstructed Black Forest Cake adapted from this Bon Appetit recipe

For cake:
1/4 cup butter
6 Tbsp. light brown sugar
1/2 beaten egg
1 1/2 Tbsp. natural cocoa powder
scant 1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/16 tsp salt
1/4 tsp. vanilla
6 Tbsp. sifted cake flour
2 Tbsp. and 2 tsp. yogurt (origial recipe calls for sour cream
3 Tbsp. hot coffee
For chocolate fudge pots:
1 oz. bittersweet chocolate (I used Ghiradelli’s)
1 cup 1/2 and 1/2 (recipe calls for heavy whipping cream)
pinch salt
1 1/2 egg yolks
2 Tbsp. sugar
For sauce:
1 cup frozen dark sweet cherries
2 Tbsp. + 2 tsp. sugarplus a pinch more
2 Tbsp. + 2 tsp. dry red wine (I had a pinot noir on hand)
To finish:
whipped cream (I used Reddi-whip_
A shot of kirsch
For cake:
Preheat oven to 350 F. Create an approximately 35-square inch baking pan. I did this by taking foil and pressing it into half an 8X8 pan. Butter or use nonstick spray to grease. Beat the butter in an electric mixer until smooth. Toss in the sugar and egg and beat until light and fluffy. Hurl in the cocoa, baking soda, salt and vanilla and incorporate. Blend in the half the flour then half the yogurt and repeat. Gradually blend in coffee until smooth. Add to the pan and bake about 25 minutes, until you put a toothpick in the middle and it comes out clean. Let cool on rack and then chill until cold. Bon Appetit says 4 hours but I sped this up with my freezer.
For fudge pots:
Preheat oven to 325 F. Put the chocolate in a bowl. Bring half and half and salt just to a oil then pour over chocolate and whisk it until all is nice and smooth. In another bowl whisk the yolks and sugar. Slowly whisk in the chocolate mixture. Put back into pot over medium-low heat and cook, stirring constantly until somewhat thickened, about 5 minutes. Don’t let it boil. Distribute into 5 ramekins (1/4 cup each) and put ramekins into a deep pan. Add water to into deep pan halfway up the sides of ramekins. Cover the whole shebang with foil and bake until set, between 35 and 40 minutes. Take ramekins out of pot. Cool 15 minutes then let chill in fridge, uncovered until cold (3 hours?).
For sauce:
Put cherries (unthawed) and sugar in a small pan and stir over medium heat for 2 minutes. Add wine and stir and simmer until ever so slightly thickened. Strain over a bowl. Pour juices back into pot and put cherries in a bowl. Boil the juices until reduced to about 2 Tbsp. then pour over cherries and chill.
To serve, slice (or get fancy with cookie cutters) the cake. Each person gets some cake, a pudding, a spoonful of cherries n sauce, a bit of whipped cream and a shot of kirsch. Whee! Yah. Since I made this for me I ate a huge portion of cake and sauce, one pudding, a whole container of whipped cream and, well, a shot of kirsch was enough. But then I had also indulged on extra wine.

Dunham Daiquiri

23 Mar


I have major issues spelling daiquiri. And I am generally a good speller. But I keep getting tripped up on this one. I keep wanting to add a c. I think that is because there is a thing called a dacquoise. It is layers of meringue and buttercream and I really want to make one. And maybe I will have time now that my web series is done.

Done for now. This was the “Girls” series finale drink! But I plan to keep making funny drink-making videos maybe every month or so.

I wanted to make something to honor Lena Dunham. Since she is a writer I thought a riff on a writer’s favorite drink would be apropos. I recently discovered the joys of a well-made daiquiri, and since Ernest Hemingway has one named after him I thought a Dunham Daiquiri was in order.

I turned to my arrangement of random booze and started playing. Then I asked the cocktail subreddit if they had ideas. Then I experimented more. This involved multiple tries to get a good balance. But I think I have it.

One more note–in the video somehow me adding the lime juice got edited out. But I did add it.

Here ya go:
Dunham Daiquiri a variation by moi
2 oz. rum (the clear type–I used Bacardi which is not fancy but not bad)
1 oz. freshly squeezed lime juice (don’t use pre-squeezed, if you do you may as well not bother)
1/2 oz. demerara simple syrup (combine two parts demerara sugar to one part water in a small saucepan and heat and stir until it is dissolved–don’t let it boil!)
1/2 oz. tawny port
1/4 oz. fernet branca
Shake it up.

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