Second Annual Un-Pizza Week Day Seven: Crunchy French-toasted Pizza Sam’mich

That’s the edited shot.

This is unedited:

Which do you prefer?
PRETTY PLEASE comment and tell me. I want to know. Because I couldn’t make up my mind.

This is my last post before taking a bloggity break for about the next week and a half. That’ll give you time to catch up on these last seven (count em’ seven!) posts I’ve rolled out in just one week.

I’ll have my hands full being an actress and writing which is as it should be. Amen.

This recipe was inspired by a recipe from Diethood which is the opposite of a diet blog. Case in point is her recipe for a deep-fried pizza sandwich.
Yah.

I can’t deep-fry.

I hate the smell of fried and didn’t want to stink up my abode. I’d probably start having flashbacks of working at the gastropub-ish restaurant I was a waiter at in St. Louis, where I’d come home reeking of the “crisps” and fish n’ chips every night.

All this being said I celebrated a pretty good improv show yesterday with a glass of house red and a deep-fried pickle at Bird’s, the UCB post-show hangout.

Then I decided that nothin’ makes a good dessert for laughter and pickles like a fried pizza sandwich.

As I stated, though, no deep-frying for moi. I made other arrangements. I took a note on the idea of coating the food with French toast batter. Then I crumbed it to get the crispy exterior a deep-fry would supply.

I may post in the next week of so if the guest post I’m writing for someone comes out, but if not I’ll be back in a couple weeks with some excellent edibles and crazy cocktails. And alliteration.

Peace, y’all. I’m maxed out. It’s Sunday. I’m resting.

French-Toast-Pizza-Sandwich

2 pieces of wheat bread (gluten-free peeps, feel free to use your gf goods)
2 Tbsp. good spaghetti sauce
1 oz. cheese, grated (I used Swiss)
1 egg
1/4 cup almond milk
Freshly ground pepper
1/2 cup panko (gluten-phobics, just toast up some crumbs from your gf bread)
1 tsp. dried oregano
1 tsp. dried basil
Sea salt
Olive oil
Spread bread with half the cheese, then with sauce, and then the rest of the cheese. The cheese is your sauce’s fortress to keep it from sopping into the bread, which is gonna get sopped soon enough. Top with another slice of bread. Mix egg and milk. In another bowl mix the panko, basil, oregano, and salt and pepper to taste. Dip sandwich in the milk mixture, then in panko mixture.
Heat skillet over medium and spray with some olive oil. Fry that sucker up.

Second Annual Un-Pizza Week Day Six: hey cupcake!

I may be onstage as you read this!
Why are you not at the theatre laughing at me?
If I am funny in a forest and you are not there to laugh at me, should I laugh at myself?
What qualifies a cupcake as a cupcake as opposed to a muffin?

I think deep thoughts during pilot season.

I think probably too much about cake.

I tend to think there are three pillars of cupcake-ry. Not counting shape.
Which a lot of folks do.
Saying that anything in a small, cylindrical shape qualifies as a cupcake explains things like “lasagna cupcakes” and the recipe I made for called Pizza Cupcakes.

If I ran things, these wouldn’t be a pizza cupcake because I have exacting cupcake requirements.
First off, there is flavor. A proper cupcake should be sweet.
But sweetness is not enough, or many muffins would be experiencing crises of identity.

Secondly, there must be proper texture. A cupcake must be a bit fluffier than the average muffin. I think I actually prefer muffin texture. Dense chewiness is my preference.

Thirdly, there must be a frosting. Hopefully more than there is cake, in my opinion unless it is that vapid whipped frosting that is oh so bland. Give me dense buttercream or ganache or give me a muffin.

I don’t really love cupcakes, even ones that meet my criteria. I would much, much rather have a big honkin’ slab of cake on a plate, with a fork that I can use to dissect it as I see fit. Much as I prefer ice cream in a dish to in a cone.
Plus, a slice of cake usually has a higher frosting to cake ratio.

So why on earth would I, cupcake adversary and defender of sliced cake, make these?

Because they meet none of MY cupcake criteria.

But they are delightful as their own thing. In this recipe a “pizza cupcake” is a small, textured, savory loaf topped with cheese and veggie pepperoni.

I found these so-called cupcakes here.

I reduced this recipe to make only a few and healthed it up a bit, baby…because if it is not dessert (for mental health) it may as well be healthy for…healthy health.

Un-pizza Un-Cupcake adapted from Kirbie’s Cravings

6 Tbsp. flour
2 Tbsp. wheat bran
2 tsp. sugar or stevia
1 tsp. baking powder
2 Tbsp. applesauce
4 tsp. beaten egg
2 Tbsp. almond milk
Pinch or two salt
2 oz. grated Swiss cheese, grated (yes, I know mozzarella would be more pizza-ish)
Soy pepperonis, chopped
Heat yer oven to 400 blistering degrees Fahrenheit and spray 4 muffin cups.
Whisk together flour, bran, baking powder, sugar or stevia, and salt. Whisk in applesauce, egg, and milk until very well blended. Blend in 1 oz. cheese. Bake about 10-12 minutes. Top with remaining cheese and pepperonis. Bake several more minutes. Until it seems done. Use your senses. Your accuracy is none of my business.
Have a slice of cake as dessert.

Second Annual Un-Pizza Week Day Five: Puff the magic pizza

ACTING PSA!
My improv 401 class at The Upright Citizens Brigade (UCB) is performing this Saturday at 5:30. Student show info is here. If you come and laugh, we will be even funnier than we already were. So do that if you like.
I’d like it. Smiley face.

Now for the gruel!
Totes adorbs pizza puffs! For realz!
Like, gag me with a spoon!
No please don’t, ignore that outburst it meant nothing.
There is quite a theme of cuteness going on this week.

Please do make these cute lil’ bundles of joy. I suggest that you make them like I did and call them pizza sliders. How 2008.
But I was rather pleased with my idea to not mix soy pepperoni in and instead cut a notch in the puff’s side and slide a piece in. Slide it in the slider.Too damned cute:

These “Pizza Puffs did indeed puff. I had my suspicions they would be tough because the recipe required mixing the batter until smooth. Normally when making quick breads you don’t do that in order to avoid gluten over-development. But no, these were light and delightful and…yes, cute.

I think they might not have been quite as delightful if it were not for the seasoning sprinkled atop them. They certainly would have been less pizza-y.

It is almost the weekend, y’all. So go ahead and make yourself these sliders, serve em’ with some marinara to dip, crack open an ice cold beverage and get yer weekend on now.

Pizza Sliders adapted from this recipe by Kirbie’s Cravings
For the puffs:
3/4 cups flour
3/4 tsp. baking powder
3/4 cup almond milk
1 egg
1 cup shredded cheese (I used Swiss)
Italian seasoning (I made my own blend of basil, oregano, freshly ground black pepper, and sea salt)
To Serve Them:
vegan pepperoni
marinara sauce
Preheat the heat monster (your oven!) to 400 degrees. Beat the flour, baking powder, almond milk, and egg until the batter is smooth as a playa’s moves. Playa as in player. Not the beach. Although sand can be pretty smooth too. Stir in the cheese. Grease miniature muffin cups or line them and grease the liners. Fill them about two-thirds full. Sprinkle with the Italian seasoning. Bake about 15 minutes and serve with the pepperoni and marinara. Adorbs. Just saccherine sweet adorbs.

Second Annual Un-Pizza Week Day Four: Not’cho pizza

Commitment is a frightening thing.
It is hard to stand by one’s choices when they may prove controversial.
It’s hard to stand by one’s recipes because if they are rejected it cuts to your soul, your essence. Alas. Sigh. Drama. Single tear.

But I swear it is true! Food is an art and art is personal.

But maybe one should not have to commit to certain recipes.

I feel nachos are a very personal thing. Some people want even distribution of all ingredients, some prefer having one chip with more cheese, one with more veggies, and so on. Every chip different. Some love the soggy chips, some want every chip perfectly crisp. Some want a variety. I’m a variety person.

People DO commit to the places they purchase nachos.

I was eating exceptional nachos at a bar-restaurant in Vegas (and whilst they were good I hope never to say that sentence again), and noting our contentment the bartender asked “Aren’t those the second best nachos you’ve ever had?” and we realized he was exactly right. We inquired why he asked if they were second best and he told us everyone has their favorite nacho place and they wouldn’t let a vacation spot claim it’s nacho title.

So true.

A bit of philosophy with your Vegas?

These pizza nachos were nice. And you can doctor them up as you see fit.
I adapted mine from this recipe here!
Here is what I made, but feel free to play and switch it up as you see fit for your taste buds.

Is this a cop-out on my part? Am I not committing to my recipe for fear of it being rejected?

Perhaps. I’m delicate like that.

Pizza Nachos, for your consideration and adaptation to your taste because I am all about you

3 oz. cheese (I used Swiss)
6 corn tortillas
salt, I prefer fleur de sel
Chopped mushrooms to your taste
Chopped bell pepper to your liking
Chopped onion to your delight
Really, use whatever vegetables make you happy, or don’t
1 cup of garlic-basil spaghetti sauce (or your favorite pizza or pasta sauce or make your own!)
Heat oven to 400. Cut tortillas into your preferred nacho size. Spray a baking sheet with olive oil (well, that was what I did, anyway), put the chips-to-be on it and spray them. Sprinkle with salt on both sides. Bake about five minutes then flip and bake a bit more. Meanwhile, saute the vegetables, then mix in the sauce. And please do shred the cheese. Or slice. Or not.
Take out the tortillas, top them the sauce and cheese and even some vegetarian (or not!) pepperoni and put em’ in the oven until the cheese is all melty and wonderful.
The main requirement of this recipe is Make It Perfect. They will be the third best nachos you’ve ever had.

Second Annual Un-Pizza Week Day Three: Pizza quiche

Last year, a Totoro was whored out to make my un-pizza gruel cuter. This year I made an owl my bitch.

Cuteness must be had.

I am not hot in the pursuit of lo-carb but do love both a good deep-dish pizza, or a quiche. So! Both gluten-freedom fighters and lo-carb fans may consider this dish from the Mr. Breakfast blog, a boon.

Vegans should flee in terror.

It’s Wednesday. I’m busy, so I’ll yap no longer. I’ve given you owl-y cuteness and pizza, and that is enough.

Pizza Quiche (adapted from Mr. Breakfast)

2 oz. reduced fat cream cheese
2 eggs
2 Tbsp. + 2 tsp. almond milk
2 Tbsp. grated reduced fat mozzarella
1 1/2 tsp. (after rehydrating) dried chives
1/4 tsp. garlic powder
1/4 tsp. dried oregano
1/2 c. Grated reduced fat cheddar
1/2 c. Grated Reduced fat mozzarella
Another 1/2 c. Grated reduced fat mozzarella
1/4 c. Marinara
1 c. Mushrooms, sautéed
1 vegetarian Italian sausage (I love the Lightlife ones), sliced
Heat da ov to 350 F. Greez da pan. I used one that was oval and probably holds 6 cups. Spread cheddar and the first 1/2 c. of mozzarella in your pan.
Blend (I used my immersion blender mini-cup attachment) cream cheese, eggs, 2 Tbsp. mozzarella, almond milk, chives, garlic powder and oregano. Pour over cheese. Bake 30 minutes. Take out and turn on broiler. Spread on marinara, mushrooms, veggie sausage and the last 1/2 cup of mozzarella. Keep a close eye on it in the broiler and let it bubble, toil and trouble, but do not burn it. Let it cool a bit before slicing into this sucker. And remember to turn off the broiler please. It’s getting hot in herrrrrr.

Second Annual Un-Pizza Week Day Two: Un-pizza hummus

The picture is horrendous. Apologies. It probably won’t happen again-ish.

Let’s talk.

Does Chocolate Covered Katie taste like chocolate?

Seeing as her cookie dough hummus tasted like cookie dough, it seems vaguely possible.

Considering the amount of chocolate I’m guessing she probably consumes it seems even more possible.

What is it about her that makes me think kinky thoughts like “what does she taste like?”.

I am terribly shameless in the (virtual) face of the bloggers I admire.

Just as half the planet is shameless in the face of a big ol’ pizza pie.

And that was my half-ass segue to today’s un-pizza creation, which you are sure to be at least half as shameless in the face of as you would be if confronted with a regular pizza-pizza.

Today, we tackle pizza hummus, which Katie calls melty even though it is not melty, but melty sounds good, no?

Per her request, I can only link you to Katie’s pizza hummus, so here ya go. Go on, now.
If you want Gruel on Katie (delish in so many ways) her is the round-up of her recipes I’ve tackled:

Pumpkin Bread in a Bowl
Baked Pumpkin Oatmeal(boatmeal)
Cookie Dough Balls
Vegan Crustless Quiche
Pumpkin Bars
Singleton Muffin and Cinnamon Baked Oatmeal
Cake Batter Ice Cream
Beautiful Blueberry Concoction aka soy-free love potion
Healthy Ranch Dressing
Katie’s cookie dough dip

Second Annual Un-Pizza Week Day One: Oatmeal pizza

Oddly enough the idea of pizza oatmeal seems gross, but oatmeal pizza works for me.
And OM bloody G that’s friggin’ cute:

I have explained un-pizza week before here. It is pizza flavors in unusual formats. Some people do different ingredients in pizza format, but I think this is a tad silly. I’ve used the example of re-fried beans and cheese on a tortilla. This is not Mexican Pizza. It’s a bloody tostada, foo.

This oatmeal pizza is almost a normal pizza but the different formatting involves cooking the crust in a skillet. This almost-a-pizza is to ease you into un-pizza week.
It will get more interesting, I promise.

I’m really not endorsing anything here. But the recipe did call for Fiber One. And deep in my heart I’m a corporate whore who would wouldn’t mind getting some doodads for endorsing a product. But only if I truly like it, and I do have an odd love of bran cereals of all types: corn bran, bran flakes…my insides like these too but let us not dwell upon that.

Let’s just eat some un-pizza.

Oatmeal Pizza (Adapted just a tad from this recipe on Hungry Girl)

1/4 c. Fiber One
1/4 c. Oatmeal
1 egg, beaten
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
1/4 c. Pasta sauce (I used one with roasted onion and garlic-if your sauce lacks pizza-esque flavors add some oregano and basil)
1/4 c. Shredded reduced-fat Swiss cheese (Use mozzerella for more authentic pizza taste, I just love Swiss)
Heat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.
Grind up the oats and Fiber One until they are of breadcrumb consistency. Mix in egg and garlic powder.
Spray a pan with something nonstick and heat over medium, then add mixture, spread as thin or thick as you like your crust to be. Mine was about 4.5 inches across. Though my dream crust is about 4.5 inches high. Raise heat to medium-high and when the bottom is browned, flip that sucker. Carefully. When the other side is brown put it on an oven safe surface of some ilk, pour on sauce, then cheese, and cook about 10 minutes.
Don’t forget to turn off your oven when you’re done.

Is there anything cuter than a muffin? Un-pizza week day 4

Yes:

A muffin being eaten by a Totoro. And not just any muffin. A pizza muffin. Take that cuteness and add a Totoro and you may need to call in back-up.

Cuteness kills.

According to my friend I fed these to, if Hot Pockets are your thing, these would rock your world.
I’m not sure if Hot Pockets were his thing, but he ate two of these. The only two I had left.

Between hungry males and Totoros I ran out of muffins fast.

Kidding, Totoro left that muffin for me. He’s a good friend like that.

Hot Pockets, yes or no? I’ve never eaten one.

Pizza Muffins(just barely altered from allrecipes.com posted by Kathy Henson)
1(14.5) can diced tomatoes
3/4 c. flour
1/4 c. wheat bran
1 Tbsp. baking powder
1 tsp. sugar
1 tsp. dried oregano
1/2 tsp. salt
1 egg
1/4 c. melted smart balance light
1/2 c. shredded reduced fat mozzerella
Drain tomatoes, reserving 1/4 c. fluid.
Sift together flour, powder, salt, sugar and oregano and whisk in wheat bran. Combine egg, smart balance, tomatoes and tomato liquid. Add to dry ingredients. Stir in cheese. Scoop into 6 jumbo muffin cups(I imagine you could use 12 regular sized ones too). Bake at 350 for about 20 minutes.
Feed to hungry males who like Hot Pockets.

Pizza Pancake: Un-pizza Day 3

I love pancakes. But I tend to think of them as sweet and not savory.
Nevertheless.
This recipe for pizza pancakes fit my pizza theme.
Moreover.
It looked awesome.
All the same.
I knew I must make it.
It is vegan, until, like me, you add cheese. Unless it is faux cheese. I made one with melted mozzarella on top and one with a side of cottage cheese. I would be more likely to consider vegan-ism if there were a faux cottage cheese.

I’m not sure these would quell any major pizza craving.
Also I’d say this is a single serving. It makes four small cakes.

What are your favorite vegan substitutes? Do you know if anyone makes a vegan cottage cheese?

Pizza Pancakes(adapted just a tad from Heather Eats Almond Butter)
1/2 c. old-fashioned oats
1/2 c. H2O
2 Tbsp. ground flaxseed
1 Tbsp. tomato paste
1/2 tsp. dried oregano
1/2 dash dried marjaram
1/2 tsp. dried basil
1/2 tsp. dried parsley
1/4 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. onion powder
1/4 tsp. garlic powder
Freshly ground salt and pepper
Grind oats to a flour in food processor. Combine all ingredients and allow to sit 10-15 minutes to thicken. Heat up a pan or griddle over low heat. Stir batter again, spray pan with non-stick element of your choosing and cook. Doctor them up as you see fit.

Dip it up: Un-pizza day 2

If it doesn’t dip like a dip, is it still a dip?
Am I the only one who doesn’t really like the word dip? And dipstick. Yech. Something about it makes me shudder.

So while this could have been properly heated and used like a dip, I was having none of that.
I made a boatload of changes to the original recipe. I made little individual serving-lets, and baked rather than microwaved it. But feel free to double it and microwave in a pie pan if, unlike me, you have a shindig to bring it to. And people who want to get dippy wit it.
I used roasted red pepper instead of green bell pepper. I put all the mozzerella on top. There were probably a few other tweaks but I forget. So the recipe you are getting is a bit distant from the original. It is the un-pizza un-dip. That is a double negative that does not translate to a positive.
If it did it would end up like a real pizza with toppings that could be scooped with a celery stick.
I also let this chill after baking so I could unmold it and see the layers:

Pretty! Colors! Better than dippy sludge, no?
Then I left some if it chilled(ain’t nothing like cold pizza!) and reheated the other part. The verdict is it is quite tasty both ways.
As I said, I didn’t get dippy with this. I did not even try to spread it. I ate it straight up, like my salsa. Except for this I used a fork.
Hot Pizza Dip(adapted from allrecipes.com, original recipe by Dayna Dumas)
4 oz. cream cheese
1/4 tsp. dried oregano
1/4 tsp. dried parsley
1/4 tsp. dried basil
Freshly ground black pepper
Dash sea salt
1 cup shredded low-fat mozzarella
1/2 cup tomato basil pasta sauce
1/2 jarred roasted red bell pepper, sliced into long strips
1 vegetarian Italian sausage, sliced
Mix cream cheese, herbs, black pepper and salt. Spread in two small bakers or ramekins. Cover with pasta sauce, then cheese, then red bells and sausage. Bake at 350 for…I dunno, awhile. Til it is bubbly and the cheese is browning is probably the best indicator.