Pâtés for Vegs:

I thought maybe the elegant butter knife would give my mushroom pâté a bit of class.

Lemme tell you. Pâté is something we should all eat, in some shape or form. Being a vegetarian I feel shame in saying this, but if you ever get your hands on some pâté de foie gras you should gobble that stuff up. Am I going to be arrested for saying that?

I ate it once. I was in a restaurant on Oahu. In my probably-wrong memory it may have had some stars. Or maybe it just had a lot of dollar bill signs beside it in the guidebook. I was twelve. We had planned the family vacation there based on the fact that my papa had a conference to go to at the Waikiki Hilton Hawaiian Village so hey, that was airfare and board for one person. My parents made the mistake of letting me do a great deal of the research on what there was to do. I voraciously devoured travel guides and made lists of what to see and where to go and most importantly…where we should eat.

I do not actually remember that much about the restaurant or the meal besides that pâté and dessert-they gave us a Diamond Head-shaped chocolate filled with chocolate truffles to take home.

We had the pâté on the table as an appetizer and I did not know what it was. I only knew it was some of the most divine stuff ever. Better than butter? Ye gods. Then I asked my mom what it was and promptly lost my desire for it when I found out it was goose liver. Then later that summer I became a vegetarian-which I had wanted to do for years, but it was a matter of being old enough to cook myself something separately from the family so my lifestyle choice wouldn’t be a pain in the butt for my mom.

I never much cared for meat in the first place, and non-leather shoes are cheaper than leather ones, so being a veg has not been hard. And just so you meat-eaters know, I don’t begrudge you your meat. I think different bodies need different things. Mine needs dairy, hence me not being vegan. It’s sort of sad. It used to be that people would be impressed by my veggie life, but now I just get “Oh, but not vegan?”. To which I emphasize that I buy cage free eggs and organic milk products as much as possible, but still…vegetarians have become the sad middle road, I guess.

Let’s get back to the pâté. I am giving you two meat-free options today, one of them even vegan. I am sure they probably don’t compare with foie gras, but they are not really trying to do that-they are impeccable in their own right. Mushrooms and eggs are two of the most perfect edible things on earth, and I stand by my pâté. Actually it is my dreamboat-cooking-crush Mark Bittman’s pâté. I stand by my man.

The egg one is considerably less chic in appearance than the mushroom I’m afraid:

I think I just started gobbling it before it could be molded. I don’t mind if you do that too. Actually, please do that too. Go forth and gobble.

Mushroom Pâté slightly altered from How to Cook Everything Vegetarian by Mark Bittman
Olive oil
1/2 c. chopped shallots
4-5 baby carrots, chopped
1/2 stalk celery, chopped
1 lb. white shrooms’ cleaned and roughly chopped
Salt
Freshly ground black pepper
1 Tbsp. tomato paste
1 Tbsp. freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 piece of bread, crumbled

Heat a skillet with a dash of oil over high heat. Add shallots, carrot, and celery and cook and stir until shallot is translucent. Sprinkle in some salt and grind in some pepper. Cool another couple minutes. Add tomato paste, then stir and cook about another ten minutes.
Turn off heat and allow to cool. Then put in your lover-that would be your sexy red Kitchen aid food processor you got for a song because it was factory refurbished.
Add crumbs and lemon. Blend until smooth, adding more bread crumbs if too thin or water if thick. It should be sturdy but spreadable. Give it a Tate and add more salt, pepper or lemon if you want.
Put in whatever mold or dish you want and chill. Find a snazzy serving knife.Yum it up.

Egg Salad Pâté adapted from How to Cook Everything Vegetarian by Mark Bittman
3 hard-boiled eggs, peeled and chopped (one yolk discarded)
3 Tbsp. reduced-fat mayo
1 1/2 tsp. freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 slice bread and butter pickle, chopped
1/2 tsp. dried dill
Salt to taste
Freshly ground pepper, to taste
Mix it all up. Mix it good. Put in container shaped how you want it to be shaped. Or just get a fork.

Chokes and Shrooms

First I shall bore you with the acting news: I got accepted into a house improv team for the Neon Venus theatre. Also, I got cast in a staged reading of scripts that were finalists in a WGA contest and I’ll be goth-ing it up for the performance next Tuesday. If you are in the industry contact moi and I’ll send you the industry invite:) I wish I could invite everyone. It is a fun scene I’m in. But alas the show is for the industry so I only get one personal guest. La-di-da, aren’t I special.

Enough about me. For now.

Last week I gave you difficult artichokes so I thought I’d make them easier this week: all you need is ability to open the can. Some even come with pull tabs.

This recipe has two of my faves. Fungi and thistles. Yah. But the ingedient that took the recipe into must-make territory was capers.
I got this recipe here from the Cooking in College blog.
So what if I’m not involved in institutional scholastic pursuits?
Based on my vocabulary you should be aware that I am a lifelong scholar, oh yes I am.

Although I should probably enroll in street smarts 101 sometime soon.

shrooms n chokes adapted from Cooking in College

1/4 cup chopped yellow onion
5 small mushrooms (I used 3 cremini, three white button), sliced
1/2 tsp. minced garlic (I used jarred)
1/4 c. Dry white wine
Wine glass for you to drink the rest of the bottle which if you are planning on doing may I suggest a Sancerre? I love a good Sancerre
1 can of water-packed quartered artichokes, drained
1 tsp. freshly squeezed lemon juice
1/2 tsp. dried basil
1 1/2 Tbsp. small capers
Olive oil spray
Spray a skillet and heat over medium. Add onion and sauté until soft. Add shrooms and sauté until soft. Add garlic, sauté a rad tad longer, then add artichoke hearts, wine, lemon, and basil and cook off the excess of liquid.
Add capers and take off heat.

Eat up, bee-yatch.

That’s the wine talking. The Sancerre. You know how the French can be.
I jest. Total Francophile here. They get to be snobs because their shit is better. It is.

Migas especiales con hongos

Oh yes. Tex-mex. Of all the types of Mex, the Tex is the best.

Of course, the creators of this recipe, the Perez sisters, owners of Austin’s (now closed, I think) Las Manitas, don’t like for their food to be called “Tex-Mex”. Keepin’ it weird for Austin!

I will say this is Tex-Mex in that it is Mexican-ish and created in Texas.

I will attempt to continue the weirdness by making this post ridiculously short for a long-winded dame like me who may be an over-sharer. Enjoy.

This will make way more ranchero sauce than you need. So you’ll be forced to make huevos rancheros the next morning. So sad.

Migas Especiales Con Hongos adapted from Robb Walsh’s The Tex-Mex Cookbook

1 corn tortilla cut in 1/2 inch strips
1 cup sliced mushrooms
1/4 tsp. minced garlic
2 eggs, beaten
1 oz. shredded Swiss cheese
1/4 cup ranchero sauce
Salt n pepa if you like (I do!)
Ranchero Sauce-feel free to jazz this up with your favorite spices, this is a very basic and simple template:
1 14.5 oz. can of diced tomatoes
1/4 tsp. diced garlic
2 Tbsp. sliced jarred jalapeño slices
1/2 c. H2O

Start by making your sauce, you’ll need it.
Bring tomatoes and water to a boil over medium high. Add garlic and jalapeño and take off heat. Let cool then purée. I used my most favoritest kitchen appliance ever, the immersion blender.
Spray a small skillet with Pam. or get crazy and use real oil. Fry yer tortilla strips over medium high. Set them aside.
Spray again and sauté shrooms n garlic several minutes until…they seem done. And most of their liquid is gone.
Spray again. Yes, while the shrooms and garlic are still in there. Turn heat to medium. Add eggy-weggs. Cook, stirring. When almost set add cheese and tortilla strips. Cook to melt cheese. Put on a plate and add some if that tasty ranchero. I imagine salsa would be ok if you want to be lazy. Shocking that I did not. I was lured by the concept of huevos rancheros the next day.