Unprepared Pairing

I don’t drink Malbec. That much. Maybe that’s because it feels so much like a food wine to me, and I don’t eat.

Jk I’m an actor in Los Angeles. I eat sometimes. Especially when it’s free.

I won’t tiptoe around it. Last week, I was on a movie set and saw that craft services (aka “crafty” aka where to get snacks between meals and everyone’s favorite place on set) had…UNCRUSTABLES. That frozen aisle pbj sandwich on-the-go. So I tucked one of the pb and grape jelly ones into my bag for later. Because as I said I eat sometimes, but not on set.

At home, I had it with a glass of Trapiche Malbec and deduced that a) Uncrustables is a perfect food and b) it is THE perfect pairing with a rich Malbec and c) a good Malbec is even better with food.

You guysssss–you know how good peanut butter and jelly is? Somehow Uncrustables has the right proportions, but also is cute, with the fun of the crimped edge that gives you a little extra bread pull in some bites. I don’t know how they do it but damn, it is just right.

The grape-y and nutty and wheat trifecta is complemented by the richness of the Malbec, whose velvet tannins do a little dance with the fatty peanut butter. And the sweetness of the grapes in the jelly are mitigated by the dryness of the grapes in the wine and ALL of that happens at the same time. It’s a gorgeous thuple.

I suppose some people look to wine writing for fanciness, but here I am to advise on frozen pbj pairings. Or maybe I should take up more food posts again–to be fair my last post was devoted to cheese so I would like to think I am doing the good Lordess’ work. And now for your tasting notes!

The Trapiche Medalla Malbec 2020 was made to celebrate Trapiche’s 100 year anniversary. The nose is sweet. I know, I know, a smell can’t be sweet, but it smells of sweet fruit and a soupçon of tobacco. The body is full and tannins velvety. The oak is talkative, and the fruit (red and black, plums and raspberries) follows, then comes creamy vanilla extract-style vanilla. But there is a pep in this Malbec’s step. A flood of blackberry juice mid-palate. A bit of crunchy earth and cedar grip that comes in at the end, so that’s super funsies. A bit of spice and another hit of juice-laden red plums comes at the ens.

This wine is a lot. If you like a big New World red you’ll like it. If you like brawny meat I think you’d like it with that? From what I remember of meat? It also would do well with stuffed red peppers methinks. And it is AWESOME with a grape jelly Uncrustable.

As I write this, I am on a different set, and while crafty did have dark chocolate Milanos and multiple flavors of Nature Valley granola bars (amongst other things), a crafty with Uncrustables has set my bar high for crafty. The Trapiche has inspired me. Onwards artists!

Triple Your Everything

Except nipples. Stick with two. If you have three, that’s all well and okay, but I’d only pierce the principle two.

Just to clear up any confusion I only have two nipples. And piercings.

So I’ve been pretty busy. My improv team has been booking more gigs outside of our weekly performance.

Auditions are back up and running.

I’m harloting around to casting director workshops like crazy in the name of ye olde pilot season.

Still reading and writing like a maniac for Hello Giggles.

AND most importantly Alice and I are planning our next pie party and boy is the theme of it this time a doozy. Let’s just say that my inner goth cook is hard at work.

So I’m busy. Ergo I am presenting you with a simple sandwich. I have a lot of random thoughts about/inspired by this recipe:

I’m not sure if it is an amazing recipe so much as fun. Maybe not amazing but WORTH IT.

I think everything is better with butter.

There are people who like grape jelly and people who like strawberry.
Of course I prefer blackberry or raspberry because I am persnickety. But will always take grape over strawberry. I think what you are raised with will always be the preference.

I was skeptical as to whether a slice of toast would do much for a sandwich, but then remembered how Bill Cosby used to put potato chips in his sandwiches, so I thought maybe crunch would be good.

It was. But I wanted to double the creamy to play against the crunch. So I did. Double the amount of PB and J initially called for. I adore the looks of this sandwich. It is so…architectural.

PBJ Triple from the allrecipes app
1 piece of bread toasted and cooled
2 slices untoasted bread
4 Tbsp. Peanut butter
4 Tbsp jam
Spread jam on one side of untoasted bread. Spread pb on either side of toasted. Make a sandwich. I hope you are capable of figuring it out.

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B food

There is such a thing as B movies. Should there not be B food?

It is food that is terrible food, really. But there is something about it-the camp, the comfort, the boobs and blood and bologna, that really do it for you.

I’m not so much the sandwich person, but I get cravings for this. Especially when vegan bologna goes on sale.

Normally I’m not into fake meat.
Anywhere in my life.

But I get cravings for this sandwich. I think its a nostalgia thing. And I can pick it into its separate elements which would probably disgust anyone watching me, but it does not matter since I like to be alone with my bologna.

Crud. Now I’m making B-level jokes.

So, get a bad movie and make a soy-bologna and cheese sandwich, spread with a touch of mayo (also something I am generally not a fan of and yet…), butter, and Dijon on wheat bread (had to go higher-brow somewhere). Bread and butter pickles on the side. It’ll beef you up so there is lots of flesh for the zombies, or werewolves, or alien sex-bots, or whatever it is you are watching.

I’m gonna go do the time-warp.
Again.

And for your Madame?

Apparently women have eggs.
Yeah we do.
That’s what we are good for. That and housecleaning.

I don’t plan on using my womanly eggs, but I do like to have my way with those of the chicken variety(provided they are the cruelty-free type and yes I want picture-proof that those are happy chicks).

Madame Croque apparently felt similarly, for she took her hubby, Monsieur Croque’s favorite sandwich and doctored it up for herself with an egg.

Eggs make most things better, and the boring old’ Croque Monsieur was in desperate need of a tune-up.

Madame Croque knew what she was doing! Leave it to the woman to fix it.

Croque Madame(adapted ever so slightly from the Joy of Cooking)
2 pieces of whole wheat bread
Butter
Dijon mustard
Vegetarian “ham”
Swiss cheese
Egg
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
Preheat your broiler. Spread one slice of bread with butter and Dijon, add veg ham, then second slice of bread. Put in broiler just a little, it will starting to get toasty fast so watch it. Top with cheese and broil a bit more. And a bit I mean don’t walk away from that oven. This is not the time to tweet what you are making. Cut a hole in top slice of bread, crack an egg into it and broil a minute or so longer.
If, like me, you see your bread browning at an alarming rate and the egg is nowhere near done, remove from oven and microwave until done. Who were we before Dr. Percy Spencer? A bunch of bungling fools with burned bread, that’s who.
Grind on the salt and pepper.
Nifty.
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