YUVE Got Smoothie

I confess I half live off smoothies. Therefore it is only fair I share what I’ve been drinking, because I am thoroughly addicted. I should also share that my smoothies are so thick and rich they require bowls and spoons and really it’s more like I made myself soft-serve. Except this soft serve has redeeming health factors. My most frequent concoction is a beet-cherry-chocolate protein extravaganza and it is tremendous.

I was inspired to get off my lazy bum and get around to writing this because I got to try some tasty new protein powder made by a very cool and possibly even tastier woman.

I have been using MRM Veggie Protein, to which I thought I’d never find an equal in terms off decent vegan protein powders. AKA ones that are not chalky. But I did! YUVE is danged tasty. I’m also pimping it here because it has a cool origin story.

And chia seeds.

But origin first:
Once upon a time a woman left Russia for New York City. Her name was Lola. She wasn’t a showgirl but she danced. Except ballet. This stunning makes-me-rethink-being-hetero woman, Lola Sherunkova, wanted a quick enjoyable way to get nutrients and such in the Big Apple.

Lola talked to a nutritionist who recommended a rather large list of nutrients. I do not blame her for not wanting to take a gajillion supplements a day. If I were as gorgeous and brilliant as she ALL my time would be spent lounging nonchalantly while lithe goth men held my parasol for me. Fortunately for you Lola was much more enterprising. And YUVE was born.

My only wish is that it came in more than just the one chocolate-raspberry flavor. Mainly because then I could have even more excuses to use it. Because when you can’t decide between two flavors of shake you are forced to just have both. I am surprised I didn’t overdose on chewable vitamins when I was a kid.

Anywho, I am a big proponent of female owned and created business, and Lola is truly one of those came-from-nothing success stories. It helps that her product is great too. Go Lola! Big hugs. And such. And…more?!

Ps I too am creating my own shiz-nit. It is a web show. It involves making drinks and talking about the show “Girls”. That premieres January 11th so “Girls on Girls” should be out on January 12th. We made the pilot episode in the meantime which you can see here:

I beg of you to subscribe to the channel. Or SHARE it on Facebook or Twitter or whatever social media you like. Youtube makes it super easy to do that. It won’t force you to watch or anything. You’ll just see it in your list of subscriptions.

Now more YUVE. I tasted YUVE unadulterated first. Just to see. It was great. Then I started plugging it into favorite smoothie recipes. Like the one that follows. Also delish. Addictively so.

Here be what I make:
Beety Choco-Cherry (plus occasional raspberry) Smoothie
1 few small cooked beets or one big one
1/2 cup dark sweet cherries (I get them in the freezer aisle)
1 serving chocolate protein powder or YUVE chocolate raspberry protein powder
1 Tbsp. Cocoa powder
Dash salt
A squirt or so of liquid stevia (NuNaturals is the one type I’ve found not to be bitter)
Heavy dash of almond extract
1/4 cup cottage cheese (omit if you are vegan)
7-ish crushed ice cubes
1 cup water or chocolate almond milk
Blend it good. If not thick enough either stick in the freezer a little while or blend in some anthem gum

Pssst! I got YUVE for free. But would not be telling you about if I didn’t think it was worth it. I’m ordering more for myself!

Everyone Else is Doin’ It

I might jump off the bridge, I dunno. Particularly if it was a bikini bridge. I’m pretty much repulsed by that whole thing. The fact that it started as a hoax should say something about how dumb it is. Has anyone noticed that the latest body goals of women don’t have anything to do with the body, but rather with the absence of body? The thigh gap. The bikini bridge is the empty space between the swimsuit and your body as the bikini stretches across your sharp pointy hipbones. Gross. Okay, that is enough venting.

I have far too much to do to be jumping off Thinspiration Bridge, and I have enough practice with falling from high high heights. Maybe I’d do the real bridge jump, but I would have a nice bouncy trampoline arranged to catch me. That could be fun. Kidding, Mom. Just kidding. I wouldn’t put my head at risk, never fear.

In this post, we are going to look at chocolate as a metaphor for the trampoline under the bridge. And the jumping part I am partaking of is a green smoothie, which EVERYONE else is blogging up these post-holidays days.

My lack of spare time is actually part of why I make so many friggin’ smoothies. The other part is my deep love of wielding my immersion blender aka my kitchen paramour (I fit him in between the sexy beast and my boyfriend). A male friend of mine saw the base of it sitting out and briefly thought that it attached to something that would help me deeply love myself. I showed him the bladed attachment and assured him I am not that much of a masochist.

According to every other single blog in the entire universe, the green smoothie is what will save you, not kill you. Oh yes, it is “cleansing season” which is ridiculous, if you ask me. In theory it sounds lovely but in reality it is just a bunch of vegetables and juicers and blenders and overly enlightened people. Sorry if you are one of them. It’s ok. Different strokes for different folks. You’ve got your bridge and I have my trellis. This smoothie will neither cleanse you nor do your laundry, but it is tasty and healthy-ish.

All this being said, the fact that everyone was making these things called “Green Monsters” was intriguing. A well-named recipe can really lure a girl in. I do enjoy a good smoothie, so I gave a few recipes a try. After recovering from the various taste-bud wounds inflicted from jumping off overly banana-y tasting bridges, I decided to devise my own protein-filled, smooth, tasty, almost-ice-cream-sort-of smoothie that yah, yah, had some green in it, but in the form of fresh mint, yah? Yah. If you don’t have the fresh mint you can use some peppermint extract but then you only have a green-in-theory Chocolate Monster.

This Green Monster is rather pretty, to be called a monster, what with the fresh mint. But then, in real life monsters are neither green nor monstrous. Nor chocolate-y. Discuss.

Mint Chocolate Monster
1/2 cup cottage cheese
6 Tbsp. Chocolate protein powder (this recipe hinges on good-tasting protein, I use the MRM Veggie Protein)
big, big ol’ handful of fresh mint
handful of spinach if you feel it
1/2 a frozen banana, also optional
1 1/4 cup chocolate almond milk
sweetener of any ilk to taste
pinch of xanthum gum, if you like a super-thick drink
Blend like your life depends on it. You needs must blend this until you think it cannot get smoother and then a minute longer to get the aerated smooth texture. Unless you own a vita-mix in which case you probably just have to pulse it a second and you’ll have hot smoothie soup. If you have a vita-mix, good on ya. I’m jealous.

A guest!

How fantastic are the photos when I’m not in charge of taking them?

The universe just knows, y’all. Right after I posted my last pizza week entry saying I needed to take off to go act and write, I got another one of those awesome auditions requiring that I go on the lot. An audition for something people actually would see.
With less than 24 hours to prep. That’s pretty typical. Whee!
Who needs roller coasters? I’ve got life.

I also received an email out of the blue from Kendra Thorton asking if I wanted a guest post. Perfect timing. Kendra’s had quite the life. She is a travel expert who has been to 28 countries and 6 continents. The former director of communications for Orbitz, she has been featured all over the place as a travel expert. Nice. The closest thing to travel expertise I have to offer is to try Fountain or Olympic in rush hour.
Kendra is now a wife the proud mama of three who likes to bring her experience in travel into the kitchen at home. If you want more Kendra in your life she can be found on your friendly internets:

Twitter: @KendraThornton – https://twitter.com/KendraThornton
Website: http://www.thorntonpr.com/

Thanks for writing, Kendra!

The Lanikai Juice Smoothie: A DIY Taste of Waikiki
“Exploring the Secrets of Different Foodie Cultures and Bringing the Taste Back to your Own Home”

After a wonderful stay at the Halekulani Hotel , ranked as one of the top hotels in Honolulu, it wasn’t easy to leave the beautiful islands of Hawaii behind. However, I managed to bring back a little piece of the islands for my friends and family to enjoy – my new signature smoothie!

I have always been one to worry about staying fit, especially after the birth of my three children and during my stay in Hawaii; I dropped in on the Lanikai Juice Company, just four miles from my hotel on Waikiki Beach.

There I learned the secrets of this refreshing concoction, and I’ve played around with the recipe just enough to make it my own. After a few weeks of alterations, I think I’ve come across the perfect method of making it.
To make it for yourself, you’ll need:

– One organic banana
– Half a small glass of orange juice
– Two handfuls of frozen mixed berries (sold in the freezer section of your local grocery store)

To start, combine the banana and orange juice in a blender until smooth. Next, add the berries and blend once more. Once the berries have been reduced to create a smooth liquid, your smoothie is finished!

My favorite part about this refreshing taste of the Hawaiian Islands is the frozen berries, which are not only used to establish an element of flavor, but to thicken the smoothie. If you don’t have any frozen berries on hand, you can always use three to four ice cubes in their stead. However, I highly recommend using frozen berries.

I’m not the only one who loves this healthy snack, either – my kids adore it. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to have them beg me for a healthy treat for once in their lives.

Whenever I want to relax and bring to mind the relaxation I felt in Hawaii, I whip up this easy, delicious smoothie. I love it so much that I’m never without the ingredients to make it! I hope you enjoy the flavor of Hawaii just as much as my family and I have!

The moral of this smoothie is:

I need a new blender. I use my immersion blender a lot, but it cannot crush ice. Neither can my regular blender, apparently. Also, I have been holding it together with duct tape for years now and while I do believe you can solve most of life’s problems with duct tape, safety pins and superglue, my blender is still leaking. Yep, I need a new blender. Anyone got a spare Vitamix? Ok, enough complaining about the state of my pulverizing devices.
Onwards to the recipe!
What’s almost as good as cookie dough? Cake batter!
Kaitlin with Honey’s recipe for a Cake Batter Smoothie has been on my to-make list for a while. Even though it had bananas in it, I still wanted to make it. Even though my blender did not totally crush all the ice or frozen banana, even though it did not really taste like cake batter to me, even though I did not have the chocolate protein powder Kaitlin recommends and had to use vanilla, even though even though even though, stuff and nonsense, I actually really liked this. I didn’t notice the banana really, which I count as a good thing. In my book, bananas should stick to breads most of the time. However, this application worked. I adored the usage of raw oats, much more than I liked the cooked oats in this shake. If I can only get my hands on a better batter blender, sweet smoothie victory shall be mine.
Cake Batter-ish Smoothie(slightly altered from Kaitlin with Honey’s blog, maybe that’s why it is only batter-ish)
3 ice cubes
2 Tbsp. oats
1/3 cup almond milk
1/3 frozen banana
4 tsp. vanilla protein powder(appropriately, the flavor of my Iron-tek powder was Vanilla Cake)
1/4 tsp. vanilla extract
dash of cinnamon
Blend, blendy blend blend. If you are me drink it in fancy stemware. Everything tastes better sipped from an elegant vessel: