Tag Archives: the ultimate bar book

Great expectations: martinify

3 Oct

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It’s all about what you expect. If you anticipate one thing, and you get something different, that new thing might transcend what was expected. Or, no matter how wonderful it is, it is rejected as not good. An unwelcome surprise.

Life can bring unexpected good. In the last week I nabbed a small part in a short film, got to do improv at Second City Hollywood, and got the job of writing a wee little column for the popular Hello Giggles. I’ll be yakking about books and food over there. These unexpected, un-planned for happenings are the type of thing that renew my faith in life. You never know what may come. Box of chocolates. Etc.

HOWEVER! How about a harrowing tale of roughing it in LA?

Sometimes a girl just wants a nice pink cosmo.
I was in that sort of mood and ordered one at the Standard. The bartender handed me a clear drink. He informed me, with a twinkle in his eye, that somehow managed to be both twinkly and condescending, that they make their cosmos with white cranberry juice.

I guess the twinkle was for their oh-so-clever twist and the condescension was for…the fact that I wanted a Cosmo.

Half the joy in a Cosmo is the color. I swear they taste different when they look different.

If I expected and wanted a clear drink maybe I’d have loved their cheeky originality.

But no. The horror. The horror!

If you have the guts to order an old chestnut like a Cosmo you should be rewarded with a proper Cosmo.

I was also once given a clear chocolate martini and felt terribly disappointed. HOWEVER! At home, I once decided to make clear chocolate martini. It was A Choice. My nerves were steeled for what would follow. I wasn’t sure. Would I love it, would I hate it?

Would it make my eyes twinkle?

Well, I was prepared for a clear drink, and I liked it. Not sure about the twinkle factor.

Clear Chocolate Martini (from The Bar Book by Mittie Hellmich)

1 1/2 oz. vanilla vodka
1/2 oz. clear creme de cacao
Shake with ice. Strain into glass. Contemplate the chocolate factor. Decide to eat some dark chocolate, just in case.

Don’t

11 Aug

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Don’t drink, kids.
This was to use up the half n half from the Colorado Bulldog.
I put this off cause it seemed caloric, but all the drinking I’ve done has been in ye spirit of fuck calories so I made it. Yep.
And it’s summer and Frostbite sounded just about right.
What’s in a name?
Everything.
What’s in the taste?
Even more.
I will have to give you another recipe to use your leftover half n half on, because you probably should not make this.

If you are into smurf-y looking weird tasting overly tequila-esque drinks, go for it, make this.

If not, stay away. After toasting with myself in the mirror for your viewing pleasure I dumped this. So much for the caloric worry. But I refilled with a chilled zin. The red kind, duh.

You will actually be getting a food recipe that uses half n half on Wednesday. Now here is what you probably will not make:
Frostbite(from the Ultimate Bar Book by Mittie Hellmich)
1 1/2 oz. tequila(I used Sauza blanco)
3/4 oz. blue curaçao(the pretty maker)
1/2 oz. creme de cacao
1/4 oz. creme de menthe(again with the pretty)
2 oz. half n half
Shake all over ice. With vigor. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Mittie doesn’t specify to strain by I’m betting that is the case.